Truth?

I’m weary of dreams

They cover eyes and blind to reality

Showing only joy and a touch of pain

Never really displaying the hurt 

The deceit

The lies peddled from the cart of life. 

Pulling a thread unravels the cloth

And coincidences I believe in not

Yet my loyalties lay bound in knot

And over my head cover my eyes with this tarp of cloth

To scratch a rusty peny 

Unveil its hidden treasures and ills

May be fortune, 

May be filth

But to seek truth 

The blinders should be torn asunder

Display the roads to yonder

Decide and choose 

The path to take

And the path to cede

For light to fresh eyes

At first is pain 

Then next its accustom

As such to see beyond the picket fence

A board must be pulled.

Thus show to me dear thread I’ve pulled

What lies beneath this cloth you built

A truth I know not yet of and I should

Or an overactive imagination keeping me glued. 

For I trust not what I hear

But I do see through your veneer. 

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Sometimes I hate myself

Sometimes… 

Sometimes I hate myself 

For holding back

Thinking that

I’m not good enough 

Sometimes I loathe myself

For letting past

Great opportunities 

And letting the past

Break free and come screw with me. 

Sometimes I hate myself 

For overthinking

Disbelieving scenarios

Tormented by mental sicarios

Scared to take action

And see how my ideas goes. 

Sometimes I’m angry with me

For caring for nonsense

But deserting care for cents

I’m incensed 

My mind says this

Heart feels that 

Ignores my soul says no. 

I’m mostly happy with myself

For being a junior Martin Luther King 

And believing I have a dream

Even when clouds and storms to me cling. 

I’m very proud of myself

For seeing through the haze

Of mixed emotions yesterday

Failures of my past building me up today

So my future I can calmly face.

I’m astonished by myself

For the accomplishments I’ve made 

And the pain overcome can dissipate 

No longer fazed I said

Pick yourself up

Move

Push and meditate. 

Beating obstacles that levitate

Means wings I grow

Above to fly 

Overcome 

Reach the ceiling and break

Expectations bound to me. 

But now I see

Roadblocks like a dozer go through them

Like a phantom phase through them

with a smile on my face

Embrace and subdue them

Arrows in my back and neck

Walk a head, pull them out and show them

Even in pain, I can still do this

Because best of all

I’m proud of myself 

To push myself

And definitely I beat me to be me. 

I would…. 

I would tell you I’m happy 

But my tears would be lying

Trying but crying

My soul is fighting

For those of the fair gender

To not care I’d be a pretender

Pretence in subsequence

My allegiance is not

But the ills confered 

Inferred and inflected 

Upon, I do weep
I would say I’m scared

But the ease 

With which

Which with I conduct 

These songs to play

Perform to please

Enjoy and concieve 

Happiness in you

A shield wouldst form. 

Not immaculate conception

Bring for perception 

Disguise this perception

Calm bring your heart. 
I would say I’m fine

But these wrinkles

Wreathed with freckles

Freshly picked from my dalliance

In this alliance

In my daily dance 

Under the sun

Would my lie betray

Lest I 

Free feel to display

The questions

The who what the where and the how

Sitting here,  my hair, tearing it out

My soul to bleed

I beg carry me

Mercy please 

The cup of stress, may it cease

As your laughter 

Happiness will breathe

Into my weary bones, these, 

And finally 

In time, fine

I will find

I will be. 
I will tell you I’m now happy 
A smile you will see

A crack of sunshine

To light up my pale sky

But I 

Deep inside, know my

Joy was resting

Resuscitating

And recuperating 

In I. 

(image courtesy of Mavingo Photography… Captured at Blankets and Wine)