Ping

Thousand worries scurry my mind

Thousand questions unanswered

did I err in judgement

did I err in kind

stuck in this moment as the world goes by

waiting for that ping

my anguish to die.

My chest is tight

my heart in knots

my lungs keep catching

my knees are buckling

waiting for a ping.

I’m battling my thoughts

my emotions won’t stop

tick

tock

no ping.

I tried, I really have

but to carry conversation,

one sided to worry,

my patience is weary

waiting for a ping.

Is this all I’m worth?

Not a worry,

not a missive,

not a smile

not a care?

Is it all I’m worth?

not a second,

not a minute ,

not an hour,

not any time?

The fight in me is over

I’ve nothing left to give

In your court the ball now lies

I’ll sit and watch

Hoping for a ping.

You Are Beauty

Beauty lies in the eyes
But what lies inside
What lies in kind
No peace
No pride
To catch to hope
To dream
To feel
But still it lies in the eyes
It lies in the eyes of the beholder
But what lies inside the beholder

Its easier to see
To feel
The beauty outside
Than to caress
And express the beauty inside

The cage that breaks and shatters
Is rebuilt still flounders
Again and again it stutters
Sputtering and coughing
See me
Feel me
Covered and gagged
Dragged to the back
Witholding and folding
Hiding its desiring
To show its face
And drink the sun

Oh

That beautiful sun
Of acknowledgment
Yet
Hiding and groping
Completely enveloping
Is the dire loneliness
The anxious oneness
The gagging and grasping
Darkness
The great empty
You’ve felt it

Its fair to remember
In solo
You seem
But in multi
You’re seen
The tears drowning
The fears sinking
The doubt choking
You’re seen
You’re heard
You’re loved
You are beauty.

To my Khaleesi….

I want to feel your breath against my neck

Blowing air kisses

Stealing my own breath

I want to feel your hands caressing my cheek

Unwittingly yet skillfully unknotting my mind

Pushing aside the drapes of my darkness

Inviting the baby of mischief clinging to my ribcage to come out and play

I want to look into your eyes

Those brown galaxies you walk with

Those eyes that remind me of starry nights and twinkling stars

Eyes that see my soul

Dust and all

And still they weaken my knees

Eyes that reached in and stole my heart

I want to taste those lips

Those full

luscious

Tantalizing

And oh so heavenly inviting lips

Lips that wove a basket of word poetry

That calmed my heart and breastfed my confidence

Lips that cover a mouth that sucked

All the worries and doubts out of my mind

Lips that kisses my skin and conceived

Lustful aching and longing from my groin

Lips that kiss so tender yet so consumingly

My brain goes for a stroll and I forget to breathe.

I want to feel your skin

Supple, dark and beautiful

Skin that has current

Electric current that fans my passions

And sets aflame the fires of longing and protectiveness

Skin that charges my blood

And draws its path with goosebumps on my skin

I want to touch those curves

Curves I need to clip the apex to go round

Curves that cornered me into submission

You’d already won the battle and you didn’t know

Taking the mallet of your physique

Smashing into my primal desires

And slapping my face with it

But most of all

I want to converse with your mind and make love with your heart

That mind that is so witty

So brilliant and so knowledgeable

I admit it

You’re smarter than I am in more ways than I can count

No ifs,

No buts

Its the most attractive thing about you

Your heart comes second

So gentle

Caring

Kind

Warm

Loving

Generous

Inspiring

Its so amazing how such a small thing

Can be so large

So large you made room for me and my woeful ness

My imperfections, warts and all

You stole my heart and locked it in yours

This you know

But all the more

You’re a queen

My queen

You’re the suits to my Barney Stinson

The melody on my heartstrings

The cheese to my pizza

The khaleesi of my dragon

Breaker of my pain

Pearl of beauty

Mother of all that is beautiful and true

Slice me with your smile, I am your bread

Sip me from your glass, I’m your mojito

Iron me with your love, I am your blouse

Mop me with your brilliance and charm, I am your floor

Roast me on the flames and savagery of your wit, I am your goat ribs.

Storm.

I sit and watch the tumble weed

Stampeding patiently across the street

The town used to be full

Children playing hide n seek

Cars inching across the tarmac

Sellers flaunting wares

Couples walking in pairs

Flowers and leaves dancing in the breeze to unheard music

But that was then

And this is now

Then the storm happened

It battered the town and shook the houses

Broke windows and fell trees

And there I was rushing home

Trying to beat the impending doom

Running and falling

Trying to reach home

And the storm raced before me

Battered and shook

Howling and stomping

And shattered our windows

The townspeople fled

All the same night

While I begged them to stay

The little child down the street was last

Wiping tears and dust

The thunder laughed

The lightning took a picture

All said, all done

Beside the house I sit

Watching for the storm

Praying you come back.

The fine print

Funerals aren’t for the dead

They’re for the living to gather and break bread

To shed tears in solemn silence

While scheming relatives mark available property

Birthdays arent for the babies,

They’re for the friends to compare

Contrast and take notes

While the baby contemplates

The yearly reminder of their approaching death.

Weddings aren’t for the bride and groom

They’re for family and friends

Caught up in the minutiae

Sizing up the backgrounds of the other

While searching for probable mates

And an excuse to drink and ogle the bride

One last time.

Graduations arent for students

They’re for parents

Celebrating their validation at having successfully raised a human being

All the while struggling to make them not die

Showing off their offspring as successful

In a tandem bid to jealous-ify their friends and relatives

Elections arent for the voters

Theyre for politicians

Clawing for power and office

A peekaboo game

Here for campaigns

Gone for 5 years

Till next time.

Its Not What It Seems…. 2

Skin prickling

Heat stifling

Sweat ejaculated from my skin

A kerchief to wipe away my doubts

And a best man to steady my stance

Oggling eyes

A sea of white 

With a dash of red

That’s my uncle

Probably stoned

An uneasy fart snakes down

Silence! My arrogant master

Don’t dare to make your presence known

Lest my bride to be wrinkles her nose

Messing and wrinkling

Cringing in spite of you

Enter the fanfare

Glorious copulating notes 

Serenading her tender footsteps

Veiling her virgin smile 

Her train behind 

Her Pa’ beside

Ma tearing softly 

Unseemingly

Silently in a haze

My mind in phase

The drums of my ancestors

Thumping

Gyrating in my chest

Doom

Doom

Doom

Doom

I can hear my pulse in my brain

A troubling thought

Ah,  this fart is such a pain (side laugh) 

She’s almost close enough 

Just near enough to taste her cologne

Mind to caress her skin

Hands to feel her aura

My shoulders drop

Accentuating my still deflated chest

She’s here

“Shhhh”

“Don’t say it out loud, you pest! “

Hand in mine

Heart entwines 

Veil up

Pulse drops

That smile

That oh so delicious smile

Hmmn

I wonder if it can be served with tea

Perhaps a side of eggs…

A muffled screech

“Stop it I say ! “

Her nose twitches

The strain in my cleft itches

If this dam breaks, 

The audience will be in stitches

Stop! 

Everybody, just STOP! 

HE’S MINE

silence is never as loud

Never as defeaning

As when caressed by awkwardness

The dam breaks

As a kite flutters violently in a hurricane 

My coat tails shudder

The ghastly gust

As damning winds passed

Ripping through the succulent silence

As tear in the pants

When you fall in public

She turns to me

Venom spitting forth from her eyes

“Its… Its Not What It Seems… “

~Stick around for the ending………

Its Not What It Seems.

I’m watching the tap leak again, 

Crystalline drops drop

To be reborn anew at the mouth of the faucet

I really should get a plumber

But I’m more worried of what he’ll plunder

As his pretence gets him in

Only to raid and thieve off my closet

I’m watching the drops fall

Trying to recollect themselves at the mouth of the drain

These are not water drops

Just but tear drops

My eyes as my faucet betray me

Leaking

Spewing my emotions on my sink

Laying me bare to the audience of bath soaps and brushes
I should put my shoes on

But the gravity of the task weighs heavy

Like a sack of cement

Sinks me into my couch

My mental hands caressing my emotional back

Dammit!! Who cut onions there and to my eyes brought them here? 

I can see the scruff marks where I kicked the wall yesterday

Trying to recheck if my pulse was real

Or I’m a walking phantom

“It’s time.. “

Beware unfinished sentences and awkward silences

They hide daggers and bear traps in their cloaks

Mischievously witholding dreams and emotions

Fervently caressing the dogs of subtlety

I look to the mirror and smile

I cant be crying before the time is nigh

“Soon it will be appropriate…”

Out I walk, cologne in tow, 

Soon I shall wed her

Soon she shall be mine.

Truth?

I’m weary of dreams

They cover eyes and blind to reality

Showing only joy and a touch of pain

Never really displaying the hurt 

The deceit

The lies peddled from the cart of life. 

Pulling a thread unravels the cloth

And coincidences I believe in not

Yet my loyalties lay bound in knot

And over my head cover my eyes with this tarp of cloth

To scratch a rusty peny 

Unveil its hidden treasures and ills

May be fortune, 

May be filth

But to seek truth 

The blinders should be torn asunder

Display the roads to yonder

Decide and choose 

The path to take

And the path to cede

For light to fresh eyes

At first is pain 

Then next its accustom

As such to see beyond the picket fence

A board must be pulled.

Thus show to me dear thread I’ve pulled

What lies beneath this cloth you built

A truth I know not yet of and I should

Or an overactive imagination keeping me glued. 

For I trust not what I hear

But I do see through your veneer. 

Sometimes I hate myself

Sometimes… 

Sometimes I hate myself 

For holding back

Thinking that

I’m not good enough 

Sometimes I loathe myself

For letting past

Great opportunities 

And letting the past

Break free and come screw with me. 

Sometimes I hate myself 

For overthinking

Disbelieving scenarios

Tormented by mental sicarios

Scared to take action

And see how my ideas goes. 

Sometimes I’m angry with me

For caring for nonsense

But deserting care for cents

I’m incensed 

My mind says this

Heart feels that 

Ignores my soul says no. 

I’m mostly happy with myself

For being a junior Martin Luther King 

And believing I have a dream

Even when clouds and storms to me cling. 

I’m very proud of myself

For seeing through the haze

Of mixed emotions yesterday

Failures of my past building me up today

So my future I can calmly face.

I’m astonished by myself

For the accomplishments I’ve made 

And the pain overcome can dissipate 

No longer fazed I said

Pick yourself up

Move

Push and meditate. 

Beating obstacles that levitate

Means wings I grow

Above to fly 

Overcome 

Reach the ceiling and break

Expectations bound to me. 

But now I see

Roadblocks like a dozer go through them

Like a phantom phase through them

with a smile on my face

Embrace and subdue them

Arrows in my back and neck

Walk a head, pull them out and show them

Even in pain, I can still do this

Because best of all

I’m proud of myself 

To push myself

And definitely I beat me to be me. 

Whisky

Brain is tired

All drained,  weightless 

Trying to see forward, darkness

Clutching, clawing, 

Shreds of light evade 

These fingers

Fingers that have scratched and struggled

Lungs that have tried to suck in air

Only to gasp in despair 

Drowning

Alive but not there

Semblances of humanity 

Memory lapses of hapiness

But I feel nothing, senseless

Looking at faces, and trying to face this

Like a person from the village 

Presented with a plate of cheeses

Laughter, I miss this

Try to smile

But my teeth chatter and sound like hisses

Go about the day dreaming of chocolate kisses

Eat a meal but it tastes like sand paper and weeds

Please

Crack a bottle of whiskey

Tip the bottle and kiss it

For a moment

A grasping moment

I’m alive and I feel it

Crawl down my throat

Stinging and burning 

I’m no connoisseur 

But brethren, messirs

Its amazing

Like a dragon

Breathe out fumes and catch on fire

Gaze at the bottle

Caress its outlines with my eyes

And resurect its deepest desires

Finger the rim of the glass

Swirl the ice

Sip 

Thats class

Shaken not stirred

Like Bond’s bond 

With the waitress

And I look into the night

Smile in the dark

Yes, I can beat this.